Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any more feelings about the situation.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean there is nothing further to work out in the relationship or that everything is okay now. Resolution might still be needed.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should forget the incident ever happened.
And sometimes, forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue to include the person in your life…
Forgiveness is basically for YOU. To help you move on…
Virtue and superiority of forgiveness
There should not be any doubt that Islam strongly encourages Muslims to practice forgiveness to those who have wronged or committed injustices to them.
The referred to point can be found in Quranic verses, such as:
وَسَارِعُوا إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرْضُهَا السَّمَاوَاتُ وَالْأَرْضُ أُعِدَّتْ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ. الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
And hasten towards forgiveness from your Lord and a Paradise as vast as the heavens and the earth, prepared for those mindful (of Allah). (They are) those who donate in prosperity and adversity, control their anger and pardon others. And Allah loves the good-doers.
(Surah Ali-’Imran, 3:133-134)
Some key lessons from these verses are, a) forgiving is one key attributes of God’s beloved servants, and b) those who forgive others are promised with God’s forgiveness
وَلَا يَأْتَلِ أُولُو الْفَضْلِ مِنكُمْ وَالسَّعَةِ أَن يُؤْتُوا أُولِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينَ وَالْمُهَاجِرِينَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ۖ وَلْيَعْفُوا وَلْيَصْفَحُوا ۗ أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
Do not let the people of virtue and affluence among you swear to suspend donations to their relatives, the needy, and the emigrants in the cause of Allah. Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love to be forgiven by Allah? And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful
(Surah An-Nur, 24:22)
and the verse:
وَإِن تَعْفُوا وَتَصْفَحُوا وَتَغْفِرُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
But if you pardon, overlook, and forgive their faults, then Allah is truly All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
(Surah At-Taghabun, 64:14)
In another verse, Allah s.w.t. promised other great rewards. Allah s.w.t. mentions in Surah Ash-Shuraa that the reward is with Him, without specifying the entitled reward itself. Truly He is the All-Powerful and The Most-Giving.
وَجَزَاءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِّثْلُهَا ۖ فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ الظَّالِمِينَ
The reward of an evil deed is its equivalent. But whoever pardons and seeks reconciliation, then their reward is with Allah. He certainly does not like the wrongdoers.
(Surah Ash-Shuraa, 42:40)
The strong encouragement to forgive in the Quran could also be seen from the fact that God provides for a convicted murderer a right to be forgiven by his victim’s kin that would spare him from the death penalty and the kin who chooses to forgive is promised with great rewards such as high and honourable position in the eyes of Allah.
وَلَكُمْ فِي الْقِصَاصِ حَيَاةٌ يَا أُولِي الْأَلْبَابِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ
And there is for you in legal retribution [saving of] life, O you [people] of understanding, that you may become righteous.
(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:179)
Mercy and forgiveness are two of the many lessons the Qur’an teaches us. What would we do in the same situation?